Nate P., you are no Mr. Darcy

Earlier today, before my first fantasy football draft, I finished up Adelle Waldman's The Love Affairs of Nathaniel P. I enjoyed it, despite a bit of heady pretentiousness and my own history of run-ins with guys who seem afflicted with whatever it is that plagues Nate about women, commitment and his own insecurities.

Part of me - I know, get ready for this - actually related to Nate and his disdain for the exhaustive tiptoeing that comes along with dating women. At the same time, it made me despise him because, well, that's life, and he is no better than any other guy. I would say that I know a lot of men who are better, but they're my friends, and I haven't dated them. Maybe they are different with women they are attracted to. God knows, the guys I've dated, whether for a couple of weeks or a couple of months were not much better than Nate.

It reminded me of my own encounters with guys who I lost many tears over because I just couldn't understand why they acted a certain way or what I did to suddenly sour a relationship that seemed to have potential. In a way, it comforted me that if there was any truth to Nate's character, it really wasn't me; it was really him. And me, too, as Hannah would confess. I liked Hannah a lot, and I really related to her. There's a scene in which Hannah meets some of Nate's friends, and although their relationship had been showing early signs of strain, because Nate's friends seemed to really like her, Nate felt renewed in his attraction to her. And it pisses her off. I've been there. Check.

It also made me understand more clearly how I must repel men with the self-doubt I wear on my sleeve, as well as my jiggly arms that Nate would no doubt notice from across the room.

Nate is obviously not my type. He's way too uppity, a Harvard snob who wouldn't turn his head to look at me if I slapped him while walking by. But how much Nate is in every guy? And how much am I like Nate?

I think I still need to let this book settle in. There was something about it that fed into a lot of things I've been thinking about lately - about what we think we're entitled to, what we think we deserve and how we fall into these emotional trappings that are either learned or instinctual, I haven't figured it out yet.

One thing I do know, Waldman created a fascinating character in Nate Piven, one I'll be thinking about for a long time.

Jeff Buckley on Much Music spotlight

I sniffled all day and squinted through puffy eyes at work. I felt like my eyes were worn out from failing miserably in my attempts to hide how many tears I'd lost. All because of him. How does this happen. I'm no teen-ager. I don't understand how he can affect me like this. Maybe he is the manifestation of all my hopes and desires and passions, and when he died, it was like taking away my dream before I had a chance to live it. Maybe that is why he is so intensely personal to me. Does that even make sense?

This interview on YouTube had a few interviews I had not seen and some quotes I will be transcribing.

greetings from jeff

I just finished watching Greetings From Tim Buckley, a film (available on iTunes) that stars Penn Badgely as Jeff, and Imogen Poots as a fictional woman he meets while preparing to take part in a tribute concert honoring his father.

If you know me, you also probably know that I'm an uber-fan of Jeff Buckley. I've loved him since my friend Scott introduced me to Grace in 1995. I attended a fan gathering for Jeff at the Rock 'n' Roll Hall of Fame a few years ago and had an amazing movie-moment meeting his mom. It's the closest I can get to him, I suppose.

I eagerly dreaded watching the film because I have a very angelic perception of Jeff, high on his pedestal wearing a white v-neck t-shirt. He was beautiful. He seemed so gentle and playful. And of course, that voice.

I didn't know if it would be - don't laugh - too painful to watch, and I mean that sincerely. Penn Badgely did an amazing job. He swayed his head like Jeff did when he sang, and he hit those seemingly impossible notes Jeff would belt out effortlessly.

There's a scene in a record store where the conversation moves to different decades of music, and it was very close to some things Jeff said during his show in Chicago at the Double Door. It was released on DVD 13 or 14 years ago and is stunning. But it's hard for me to watch. I just get too sad. And watching this film, well, it hurt my heart. I just want to wrap my arms around him and protect him - protect him from the pain he felt being abandoned by his father, and protect him from going in to the Mississippi River just a few years later.

Penn, I was really impressed. You are definitely one to watch. You honored Jeff and his fans. Thank you.

why i laugh

I watched a terrific documentary called Why We Laugh: Funny Women on Showtime last week. Tons of witty women are featured, including Kathy Griffin, Whoopi Goldberg, Lily Tomlin, Kim Wayans, Janeane Garofalo, Tig Notaro, Rita Rudner, Kathy Najimy, Sandra Bernhard, Natasha Leggero and Aisha Tyler. Here's the trailer. (NSFW)

I love to laugh, no doubt about it. And I love to make people laugh. I find that if I have to speak in front of a group, and I get that nauseous feeling in my stomach, it goes away as soon as I can get the first laugh from the audience.

So, yes, a bunch of funny people are featured, and they will make you laugh. But the best part about this documentary is how insightful it is into what it's like to be in a male-dominated profession. Actually, that's kind of an understatement. Not only are women the overwhelming minority in stand-up comedy, but they are also criminally underestimated. The comedians respond to Adam Carolla's recent claims in the New York Post that women aren't as funny as men. As you can imagine, they take Carolla to task for his comments. You remember Carolla, right? He co-hosted "The Man Show," which was so cutting-edge in its humor, it included video of women on trampolines each week. High-brow hilariousness, huh?

And that's the other excellent point made in film. It's something I suppose I never thought about, but it's so true, it's almost an epiphany. Women tend to be more discerning when it comes to comedy. For guys, all you need is a fart noise and a joke about poop, and they're rolling on the floor laughing. It's a total generalization, yes, I understand that. But each day since I saw the film, I've found another example to prove that belief is true.

That shit makes me laugh, too, sometimes, but I think I know why there are far too many low-brow, raunchy, male-dominated movies in the theater - because men are running the movie houses and keep green-lighting those pictures. Every once in a while you get a guy who understands that you need more to attract women to those types of films. Judd Apatow, you genius, I'm talking to you. His films have their share of potty humor, but there's a lot more going on in his movies, and I know, personally, that's why I tune in.

what the kids know

I visited the movie theater twice this weekend for very fine flicks that had a very important theme in common. Saturday night was Julianne Moore and Alexander Skarsgard in What Maisie Knew, and tonight I returned for Sarah Polley's documentary, Stories We Tell.

I heard Polley and her dad on NPR's Fresh Air, and I knew I wanted to catch her doc. It's about her own life and a story that began as a family joke and turned out to be a secret Polley's mother took to the grave. I promise I'm not giving too much away when I explain that Polley directs her family members and friends of her mother to tell the story of "her mum," who died when Polley was about 11, I think. Each tells the truth but different stories surface that tell a surprising story of love, marriage and infidelity. It turns out, Polley's dad was not her biological father.

How does Polley react? How does her father react? How does the man with whom her mother had an affair react? How do all of them come to terms with the truth, and whose truth is it?

Stories We Tell feels very personal, which of course, it is, and oftentimes, you can hear Polley offscreen reacting to what's being said by the brother, friend or father she's interviewing.

The emotional ties that fill our tummies with butterflies are not what drew me to see What Maisie Knew. Of course, it was Skarsgard, and Julianne Moore, whom I love. But really, it was the incredibly sexy Skarsgard and my desire to see him in roles that truly allow him to show off his acting skills. And he does very well in this film, as do all the actors, especially the very young Onata Aprile, who appears in virtually every scene with her gigantic haunting doe eyes.

Maisie is a 6-year-old daughter of rock star and art dealer parents who hate each other and fight constantly and loudly. With no concern for what Maisie hears or sees, these self-absorbed adults create what years of therapy will need to heal in Maisie.

Both of these films made me think about marriage and family and how just about anyone can be a husband, a father, a wife or a mother. Although it is the most difficult and important roles we play in life, we get absolutely no training for it, and rarely do we really see the lifelong impacts of our actions. Maisie's parents don't hit her, they don't force her to live a life homeless or hungry, and they don't tell her she's worthless. Still, they are horrible parents, using people to get what they want and taking no responsibility for their own child, who I believe they both love but not as much as they love themselves.

In Stories We Tell, the parents seem to be good people who love their families. But how far can you go in getting what you want and what you rightfully deserve - in this case, true love - without impacting the lives of those around you?

It can't be helped. The older we get, the more our decisions impact the lives of people we love.

Coachella 2013 inspires

Whoa, it has been nearly three years since my last post, and yet, today's topic is still related to my last one. I have been thinking about getting back into this, and now is the time. I have inspiration. I have the list.

I am completely stoked about this lineup. The Stone Roses and Blur are just the beginning. How to Destroy Angels' very first live performance? Seriously? I cannot wait to be part of that.

There's a pretty hilarious video on Consequence of Sound in which college kids admit their ignorance/"meh" to the lineup. Yeah, it makes me feel old, but at the same time, it's all good because it means that my friends might have an easier time scoring tickets.

There have definitely been Coachella years where I was slightly underwhelmed by the lineup, but I always studied it (a favorite pastime of mine), and found hidden gems. And once I got there, well, it's still Heaven, no matter who's on stage.

how to destroy angels

It's no surprise that I'm breathlessly interested in How to Destroy Angels, Trent Reznor's new band with his wife Mariqueen Maandig. Of course I'm intrigued - Trent is one of the smartest guys in music, and he's responsible for helping a generation through their teens and college years.

The first song is out there, and the video is not for the faint at heart. The video reminds me of Nine Inch Nails' early years, and the Broken videos that were thought to be snuff films. If those were homemade videos on a student's budget, this one is an indie idea on a Jerry Bruckheimer budget.

What do you think?

Really excited to see Gil Scott-Heron today. He's my number-one must see on Day 1. Perhaps my expectations are too high, but I'm really looking forward to it. I'm also planning to catch Avett Brothers, She & Him, LCD Soundsystem, Sleigh Bells, and a bunch of others I hope to discover today.

coachella 2009 timelapse

It looks like this was taken from the corner of the Outdoor Stage area. Very cool. I couldn't get this video to publish correctly, so you're going to have to click here.

gil scott-heron

About a month or two ago, I was surfing the Paste Magazine Web site and came upon an article about Gil Scott-Heron and listened to a few of the tracks on the site. I was immediately enthralled.

The 61-year old just released an amazing CD called I'm New Here, and he has a heck of a history you can read all about on Wikipedia. His best-known work is a spoken-word jam called "The Revolution Will Not Be Televised," which has woven its way into the modern-day vernacular, regardless of whether people are aware of its origin.

One of my old favorites of his is "Whitey on the Moon."
A rat done bit my sister Nell.
(with Whitey on the moon)
Her face and arms began to swell.
(and Whitey's on the moon)
I can't pay no doctor bill.
(but Whitey's on the moon)
Ten years from now I'll be payin' still.
(while Whitey's on the moon)
The man jus' upped my rent las' night.
('cause Whitey's on the moon)
No hot water, no toilets, no lights.
(but Whitey's on the moon)

The new CD is dark and quite riveting. This little discovery made me feel like a changed woman. I couldn't stop listening to the tracks I could find online; it was like listening to Ani DiFranco for the first time. I felt like it was a gateway to a whole other consciousness.

Then the coolest thing happened. I realized he's on the bill for Coachella. He's now on my list of absolutely must-see artists for the festival. I'm expecting nothing less than a life-changing experience.

coachella threads

Right now, I'm completely focused on the anticipation of Coachella 2010. I've been studying the lineup and introduced myself to some great music that was new to me. At this moment, I'm washing a load of Empire Polo Field-worthy apparel that will be appropriate for the glorious 80 to 90-degree weather forecast for the festival. It will probably increase this week to the typical 100s, but a girl can dream.

Deciding what to wear to Coachella is ridiculously difficult. Trying to look like you belong with the young hipsters is one thing. Staying pleasantly cool in the desert heat is another. I'm not your typical alterna-waif either, so a bikini or tube top is out of the question. Multiple pairs of footwear is a must because of the near blisters that develop each night - your feetsies need variety or they hurt even more after that one-mile walk through the dust to the parking lot.

But don't take my word for it.

Stylite: What does one wear to Coachella??
(Any reporter who says you need space in your backpack for band members' phone numbers lives in some alternate universe from me.)

What to Wear: Music Festivals
(You lost me at the $436 one piece you think I'm going to wear and have to take completely off to use a port-a-potty.)

Coachella 2008 forum
(My introduction to the P-mate, a cardboard contraption girls can use to pee standing up, as well as Monistat's non-chaffing cream.)

Just make sure you wear SOMETHING.

i'm back

I don't know how long this will last, but here I am. In all honesty, I haven't been myself lately. I will sound like a commercial for Cymbalta when I tell you that I wasn't finding joy in things that I typically like, I was feeling detached, I gained weight, and I generally lost track of where I'd been and where I was going.

I'm not back to normal yet by any means, but I'm getting there. At least, now I want to get there.

Which brings me back to the blog, which used to be so fun for me. I figured I'd see if I could find some lost puzzle piece of me here in this one-column layout.

fail!

I learned about FAIL Blog from my friend Michelle's Facebook status update. There's always a nice variety of photos and videos that make you wonder about the fate of humanity. Actually, it's kind of like your daily uncensored "America's Funniest Home Videos (and Photos)." Here are a few highlights.

Six-Pack Fail
see more pwn and owned pictures

Child Safety Fail
see more pwn and owned pictures

Inflatable Fail
see more pwn and owned pictures

Golf Club Fail

jeff & elliott

I've written about my love of Jeff Buckley before. He's my muse, and his death was something that still affects me. I joined the staff of his fan newsletter, met his mom at a fan gathering at the Rock 'n' Roll Hall of Fame and could devote an entire wall of home to all of my "memorabilia" I've collected.

My friend Christy knows exactly how I feel about Jeff because she feels the same way about Elliott Smith. We have a photo with our friends in front of the mural that appeared on the cover of Figure 8 and became a memorial to the singer after his own untimely death.

Today has been one of those days in which everything seemed to go wrong, and I felt like running away and hiding from life.

Then, I came home to this.

Jeff Buckley Retrospective CD/DVD on the Way

Pitchfork.com is reporting that a new DVD will debut on June 2 that will feature some live performances, the Amazing Grace documentary and more. I'm beside myself. It's something to look forward to, even though I know it will be difficult to watch.

While on the same Web page, I see there's a little-seen video on Pitchfork.tv with Elliott Smith called Strange Parallel. It's beautiful to see him smiling, playing music and expressing his sense of humor.

And check out the cameos! Janet Weiss from Sleater-Kinney and recently of Bright Eyes and The Jicks (with Stephen Malkmus) and director Gus Van Sant of Milk and Good Will Huntingfame appear.

Pitchfork says the video will be posted for one week, so go watch it now.

friday's coachella picks, part two

How in the world will I fit all of this in to one day?

The Crystal Method
You know them, and you know the song - "Name of the Game." That was years ago, and I haven't followed them, but I'm sure it will be a great set.
WATCH: the video

The Airborne Toxic Event

I learned about this L.A. band very, very recently after reading Carrie Brownstein's excellent column NPR: Monitor Mix. According to guest columnist Sean Wilsey ...

"TATE is a five-piece band, with a single female member (the violinist), and in "Sometime Around Midnight" it's the woman who makes the first move: "She walks up and asks how you are / So you can smell her perfume / You can see her lying naked in your arms."

There's some kind of hookup in the next few lines, but things plummet messily downhill until "you feel hopeless and homeless and lost in the haze of the wine." Soon she ends it: "Then she leaves, with someone you don't know / But she makes sure you saw her / She looks right at you and bolts / As she walks out the door, your blood boiling your stomach in ropes / Oh, and when your friends say, 'What is it? You look like you've seen a ghost!' "

I love it! I think they are going to top my Friday must-see list ... along with Conor, of course.
WATCH: "Sometime Around Midnight"
WATCH: "Does This Mean You're Moving On?"

The Black Keys
I saw The Black Keys open for someone at Hard Rock Live. I can't remember who they opened for, but I do remember how this band floored me. The lead singer approached the mic, and his raspy Jonny Lang-esque voice kicked my ass. How do two guys make so much beautiful noise? They are perfect for rocking out in the desert.
LISTEN: "Breaks"

The Hold Steady
LISTEN: "Sequestered in Memphis"

The Presets
This Australian dance punk duo reminds me of an early '80s new wave band.
LISTEN: "This Boy's in Love"
I'm intrigued.

The Ting Tings
Although they are pretty well known already, I think a stellar Coachella performance may send them into the stratosphere.
LISTEN:"That's Not My Name"

We Are Scientists
I would seriously pay money just to be there for the onstage banter. The sexiness of witty intelligence trumps simple hotness, and the music rocks. Go to the Web site and work out your abs with some high-energy laughter. Did I mention that Keith Murray strongly resembles Conor Oberst? That's just lagniappe!
LISTEN: "Inaction"

White Lies
Another new find for me, White Lies is a London band that's spending some time on top of the U.K. charts. They remind me of something between Interpol and The National.
LISTEN: "Unfinished Business"

friday's coachella picks, part one

The countdown to Coachella has begun, and although the lineup announcement was disappointing to some, I'm truly excited beyond words. Seriously, we are lucky just that Coachella is even on the schedule. Look what happened to the Langerado Festival, and they had a pretty kickin' lineup -- including Death Cab for Cutie, Public Enemy, Modest Mouse, Deerhunter, Broken Social Scene, Ryan Adams and the Cardinals, Girl Talk, Bad Brains, George Clinton & Parliament/Funkadelic, Tokyo Police Club, the Faint, Tricky, Chromeo and Ra Ra Riot.

Allow me to share my excitement with you. First, let's look at the list of performers on Friday, in alphabetical order, not necessarily by thrill factor.

Beirut
Lead singer Zach Condon is just about 22, and he's from Brooklyn by way of Santa Fe. His music is often described as dark gypsy music with an Eastern European feel. He has been known to perform with an orchestra of violins, trumpets, flugelhorns, ukuleles, cellos, accordions and a tambourine.
Listen: A Sunday Smile
Listen: Mount Wroclai (Idle Days)

Conor Oberst and the Mystic Valley Band
Do I really need to add anything here? In my opinion -- and the opinion of others who people listen to with much more vigor -- Conor Oberst is one of the best songwriters around. He never ceases to amaze me, and his first solo album in years was no disappointment. I saw them perform at Firestone a few months ago, and they sounded great. Let me get my boots on, let me get my boots on, let me get my boots back on!
Listen to the album in its entirety

Crystal Castles
I can just picture us dancing under the laser lights of the Sahara Tent. They're from Toronto, are huge in the U.K. and toured last year with Nine Inch Nails.

Franz Ferdinand
You know them, you love them, and they love Beta's jumpah.

Ghostland Observatory
I don't know much... OK, really anything ... about them except that they describe their own music as "a robot making love to a tree." I'm intrigued.

Leonard Cohen
He's the subject of my all-time favorite line from "The Young Ones" - Neil whines, "No one is listening to me. I feel like a Leonard Cohen album." Then along comes the beautiful Jeff Buckley, and new generations of listeners who may have only known his spooky "Everybody Knows" from the Pump Up the Volume soundtrack are introduced to his "Hallelujah." Strangely I was introduced to "Famous Blue Raincoat" during an interview with Damien Rice and "I'm Your Man" from "The L Word."

M. Ward
I met M after he opened for Bright Eyes at The Social. He was so kind. I bought his CD and told him I couldn't wait to listen to it. He seemed so genuine. Now, he's singing with Zooey Deschannel in She & Him. I wonder if she'll make an appearance.

Morrissey
My first memory of Morrissey was watching him perform on "120 Minutes" in front of a bunch of screaming girls who were seriously swooning like I had not seen before. It was like watching The Beatles perform on "The Ed Sullivan Show." I was thinking,"Who is this guy, and why don't I know him?"
Listen: All You Need is Me

Noah and the Whale
They're fun. You may recognize "5 Years Time;" it was featured in a Saturn SUV commercial.
Listen: 5 Years Time
Listen: 2 Atoms in the Molecule

Patton & Rahzel
Mike Patton from Faith No More teams up with former Roots beatboxer Rahzel M. Brown. Interesting.

Paul McCartney
Wha?? I get to see a Beatle? Oh yes!!

People Under the Stairs
Download free track: Funner Than Leather

Silversun Pickups
I love these guys -- I saw them on the main stage a couple of years ago, so I'm surprised they're back so soon. But I'm not complaining -- I'm thrilled!
LISTEN: Kissing Families

And I'm not even finished with FRIDAY! I'm tired. More tomorrow.

let the games begin!

Go to Coachella.com for all the details.

something i can never have

I found this amazing version of one of my favorite songs from NIN.