Is it April 1 again already? Is this really a TV show? Are people actually making money on something so cheap and sleazy?It's called Keys to the VIP, and it's causing my blood pressure to rise with every word I read.
I saw a commercial for its upcoming debut on the Fuse channel, and I seriously questioned what I was hearing and looked it up online -- I thought I was being Punk'd.
The Web site is so over the top, I am still not completely convinced that Ashton Kutcher won't be knocking on my door this evening. In the producers' words, here's the description of the show...
"Men, our time has finally arrived. We have been portrayed as sniveling, crying, sensitive, spineless, mamma's boys. And now is the time to turn it around. We finally have a show that allows us to demonstrate our true nature as hunters, alpha males and masters of all we survey! Welcome to Keys to the VIP, a show that encourages, nay demands, the seduction of women. Set in the nation's hottest nightclubs, each episode will showcase the unique approach of two players as they compete head-to-head in a 3-round skills competition. Each round is a challenge carefully designed to test a player's ability to seduce women in a real-life playing field. That's right, in case you didn't get it... a Professional League for Players."
Are you kidding me??!!??
And the photos of the hosts online are bathed in just as much ridiculous pretense. They're smoking cigars and have a tub of Cristal at their fingertips, because I guess that makes them more manly and attractive to other men who want to be 'big pimpin' playas."
The panel of hosts is made up of:
Alen - He's the moderator of the panel, and is described as having "the ability to cut through the crap and get to the heart of the matter. Honest to a flaw, his cutting and poignant comments have been best described as being "Bertuzzied" by words." I am going to suppose that he's honest to a flaw when it comes to pointing out the inadequacies of other men, not when it comes to meeting women.
Chris - The metrosexual of the group, apparently Chris is also the sensitive one. According to the Web site, "He believes in the art of seduction as a means to discover your soul mate and life partner. It is Chris's philosophy that in the pursuit of becoming a better "player," one can actually become a better human being more capable of finding true love and ultimately true happiness." That sound you hear is me throwing up.
You can also read about Chris's "technique" online ... "Creating a comfortable environment through mutual respect and proper manners is how Chris plays the game. He'll create a fun and spontaneous atmosphere and then offer up a dark side to be explored by a willing lady."
I just vomited again. Just to be sure you're catching all this, because it's a lot to read without wanting to scream, Chris is sharing his tips on "playing the game." Am I the only one that has a huge problem with that? In one sentence, you are talking about how to find your soul mate and life partner, and the next, you're demeaning it by acting as if it is only there to occupy time when you are bored.
Peachez - It gets worse. His technique is described like this. "Whether studying game-tape of opposing QB's or the latest lady in his sights, Peachez relates many aspects of his approach to sports to the art of seduction. Peachez has the uncanny ability to "read" the defense and exploit the opportunities to make the big play, while rarely getting flagged for "misconduct.""
It's uncanny! His ability to make "the big play" without getting flagged. What does that really mean? Jazzy wordplay doesn't cover up the fact that you, sir, and your phony friends are pigs.
Sheldon - Sure, he's hot in that sweet, Donald Faison way, but he admits that he uses his innocent sophistication to "slide under the radar." But be careful ladies, the producers warn, "His charm and sophistication should however never be mistaken for an unwillingness to get down and dirty." Thank God! He may look like sugar and spice, but when it's time to pay up, us women can count on him to be as much of an ass as the rest of him.
Because it is essentially a game show, "Keys to the VIP" features three games in which the contestants compete. For example, the "player," in all senses of the word, has three minutes to get a woman to buy him a drink, or get a woman's phone number while only talking about himself and never letting the woman speak.
I am sure that's a recipe for high-spirited hijinks for the guys playing and watching, but what about the girls involved in this dogfight? Do they know they are pawns? Do they realize that one is the thimble, one is the puppy, one is the shoe, and so on ...?
It's all one big Mysogynopoly, and shows like these are screaming at women to not pass go, not collect $200.
6 comments:
Clearly you have too much time on your hands. This show is hilarious and should not be taken this seriously. Please put all that passion of yours into a more worthy cause, like maybe poverty.
In all fairness, I wrote this before watching an episode. I typically hate when critics do that because I believe they should be well-informed before making their case.
But come on, did you read the Web site? It sounds like MTV's Spring Break for older twenty-somethings. It's just insulting. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt, watch an episode soon and post my thoughts.
And congrats on being the first person ever to accuse me of having too much time on my hands. You have no idea how funny that is.
Steph, I think that comment was from Peachez himself!
I have been watching this show all season and in all honesty I know it seems insulting but the women literally put themselves in this position, they degrade themselves. The panel is just merely commenting on them.
It's called tv... lol I actually know all the guys from the panel, they are all fantastic guys. They saw a way to make money and cashed in...period
The art of seducing a woman may seem like a far fetched idea for you to really take advantage of, but any man can learn how to properly seduce a woman that he has his eyes set upon.
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