Cupid must be earning time and a half

Have you heard the news? No, not about the AIDS crisis emerging in Asia, not about the new president of Iran who held American hostages in the 80s, and not even the Oprah – Hermes fiasco.

JEN AND BEN ARE MARRIED!!! ... and, it gets even better!!! THEY'RE PREGNANT!!!!

Now, don't get me wrong. I am actually a huge fan of both Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck. My DVR is set to tape all first-run episodes of “Alias,” and I used to be slightly obsessed with Ben Affleck. Chasing Amy is a classic, and I even enjoyed Forces of Nature, though that had a more lot to do with the fact that he and the whole story reminded me of a guy in my own life I could call “the one that got away.”

Regardless, Ben is hot. Sure he went through a slight “glossy” phase when he was dating J-Lo and drawing enough paparazzi flash bulbs to solve the energy crisis, but he still seems like a relatively down-to-Earth guy that your mom would just adore.

So I guess they’re in love or whatever.

I used to think Jennifer Garner and Scott “Noel” Foley were so cute together. Like little puppies, I would just look at them and coo. But they didn’t last. And you know what? I was sad! I felt so bad for Scott Foley. Why am I involved?

Why are any of us following the Tom Cruises and Katie Holmes of Tinseltown as they venture from being single, to being engaged, to breaking off the engagement, to hooking up with another unbelievably beautiful person within 14 days?

I’m so fed up with it all! I used to watch “Entertainment Tonight” religiously. Now, it literally makes my tummy turn. We give so much attention to people who don’t do much to deserve it. Meanwhile, our own government is doing things that I used to think only other governments did. And where are the headlines? They’re buried under stories about why another “American Idol” contestant is in jail and why Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie aren’t speaking anymore.

Hmmmmm … maybe that’s why they wanted to halt funding to public broadcasting. Because without NPR, we might never know about things that happen outside of Angelina Jolie’s bedroom. Oh, God. Don’t get me started on that. Who cares if Angelina and Brad Pitt are doing it? Good for them. Aren’t they entitled to true love, too? Or at least to mind-blowing sex?

OK. I feel better now. Gotta check the wedding registry at Crate & Barrel and see which style of cosmopolitan glasses Jen and Ben prefer. Kiss kiss.

iTunes

Weeeeeee!!! I'm loving the new podcasts on iTunes!! This is going to be so addictive!

Without sounding like I'm the latest commercial in Apple's grass-roots campaign, there are more than 3,000 different podcasts -- from Air America political discussion, to recipes, to world news, to Bubba jokes. While I spent most of my time listening to the music podcasts, I just know this will lead to new discoveries all-around. It's one more way for the kids to learn about music, culture and what's going on in the world without it having a stamp of approval from Clear Channel. I love it! I knew Beck was right ... Things are gonna change, I can feel it!

Two Paws Up for Eliza and Dr. Hayes

Last night, I came home from work, and Thor was not acting like his usual self -- an adorable, hyper-active canine locked up in a small condo for about 12 hours with no place to ... you know, do his business. And, I'm not talking about taxes! He usually just about knocks me over on the way to the back door for his early evening pee & poop. Instead, he looked guilty. He didn't meet me at the front door, his ears were down like he'd been up to no good, and he was moving really slow.

I took him outside, and instead of Thor pulling me around, I was stopping so he could catch up with me. It was raining lightly, so I figured it was just because he hates being wet. But every step seemed to take more out of him, so I cut the walk short and went back to our place. As I wrapped a towel around him, I noticed he was shaking. He had this rapid twitch in his chest near the top of his front right leg. It was weird -- almost like when your eyelid twitches uncontrollably. But it didn't stop, and every now and then, his whole body would shake.

Thor, Brad (my good friend and Thor's best buddy) and I spent the next few hours at the Veterinary Emergency Clinic near Florida Mall. I'm going to give them a gold ol' plug because they were AWESOME!!! They're at 2080 Principal Row, and the number is 407.438.4449. Hopefully, you won't need to visit, but if you do, you will be in good, gentle hands.

Eliza, a sweet college student at UF or UCF -- I'm sorry, I was nervous, I don't remember -- and Dr. Hayes took care of Thor. They were both extremely nice and obvious animal lovers. They spoke to Thor in that "baby" voice. "What's the matter Mr. Thor? Oh, you're a good-looking dog, yes you are."

I was very lucky to be in their care, as well as Brad's. Brad validated my concern, which I needed because I kinda felt like a panicked over-protective mom. He met me at the clinic, and Thor and I were both relieved to see him. Thor jumped up, with his tail wagging and ears straight up again. The doctors explained everything better than any doctor I ever visited for myself and kept offering opportunities to ask questions.

"Mommy and Daddy," as Dr. Hayes kept calling us, tried to calm Thor as he was getting poked and prodded and even had his temperature taken -- he took that one well; you know where they put the thermometer, right?

In the end (... pause for giggles ...), we learned Thor was probably shaking and acting distant because he was in pain. He took a little drug-induced nap so the doctors could take X-rays, got some non-steroidal anti-inflammatory meds (the kind I'm allergic to), and a recommendation to begin taking daily doses of glucosamine chondroitin (which I also should be taking for my own degenerative arthritis).

His x-rays, which were not as cool as mine -- the screw in my right knee looks so cool in x-rays -- showed that he has something called spondylosis. He has some kind of "bone bridges" in his spine that may cause discomfort or mild pain. He also, and this is where it gets sad, looks like he had some kind of past pelvic injury that didn't heal well. When Rene saved Thor from the pound, they told her that he had been abused as a puppy. That's just sick. The receptionist at the clinic said some people find out how much their bill will be, and they take off. They just leave their sick, injured pets there and never come back. I cannot even imagine.

Thor is much better today. His tail is wagging as I type this, and he keeps dropping his toy by me feet so I'll play with him. I hope these new meds don't make his lose control of his bowels like last time ...

easy/lucky/free

Have you seen the new video from Bright Eyes? I love it! And not just because Conor is hot AND literate! You can download "Easy/Lucky/Free" on Rollingstone.com and MTV.com.

once you begin, you're half-way finished

I heard that somewhere; probably something my dad said the night before the Science Fair in middle school. Do you remember those? Each year, I said it would be different. I said that I would start my project early, whether it was about the culture of Australia, the force it takes to pull apart two blocks of wood using different kinds of glue, or my foray into the stock market as an eighth grader. But it was always the same -- the tears usually began around 8:30 p.m., and my parents wound up taking over around 10 p.m.

It is true. Once you take that first step, you're at the half-way mark. That goes for cleaning my room, working on my projects for the office and turning down dessert so I can fit into my skinny jeans again. You just have to go for it.

This morning, I was rudely awoken by some idiotic financial company --"This is not a sales call. This is an important message for you." If it's so freaking important, then why can't an actual human call me? Why is it a message that tells me to hang up and call them back?? It was 8 a.m. on a Saturday!!! I was furious. I laid in bed for a while, turned on the TV, and watched Campbell and Lester.

I finally got up to take a shower. I went in the bathroom, grabbed a towel and my robe, and then I ran and squealed like a little girl. The biggest cockroach I have ever seen in the Sunshine State had taken residence on the door frame of my bathroom.

Needless to say, I got a late start on the day. I was literally paralyzed, standing right outside the bathroom, looking into the medicine-cabinet mirror at the reflection of the hideous creature, fly swatter in one hand and some 20-second roach spray in the other. Twenty seconds until it dies? Even 20 seconds seems like an eternity when you're contemplating what your move will be after you spray.

I tried to determine if it had wings. Couldn't tell. Even Thor didn't want to go near the door. I think he could sense the danger. I don't think I moved my feet for a solid 20 minutes. Should I go in and spray it head on? What if it flew at me? Should I stay where I am and just spray upward and hope I hit it?

One step, just do it. I had a couple of false starts, and then I saw myself in the mirror and couldn't help but laugh. Could I be a bigger nerd? I finally sprayed, shreiked when the monster fell to the ground, and then kept spraying until it ran out of view. Then I screamed when some of the spray -- this is kinda gross -- dripped to the floor from the door frame. I drenched that sucker!

Then, I spent another 15-20 minutes trying to figure out where the beast was. Did it crawl into the shower? Was it dying? I couldn't find it. I finally saw it on its back. Or at least, I hope that was it. I began to doubt myself.

It must be the monsoon season we seem to be in. It has rained everyday for the last month or so. Ick. I can't stand those things. I have a history with them, but I will save that for another post.

I've been wanting to start a blog for a long time, and now I'm running to catch up with the bandwagon. Maybe I'll start podcasting before the next decade begins! But here I am, the first entry. And I did it all by myself -- no tears, either.