Nate P., you are no Mr. Darcy

Earlier today, before my first fantasy football draft, I finished up Adelle Waldman's The Love Affairs of Nathaniel P. I enjoyed it, despite a bit of heady pretentiousness and my own history of run-ins with guys who seem afflicted with whatever it is that plagues Nate about women, commitment and his own insecurities.

Part of me - I know, get ready for this - actually related to Nate and his disdain for the exhaustive tiptoeing that comes along with dating women. At the same time, it made me despise him because, well, that's life, and he is no better than any other guy. I would say that I know a lot of men who are better, but they're my friends, and I haven't dated them. Maybe they are different with women they are attracted to. God knows, the guys I've dated, whether for a couple of weeks or a couple of months were not much better than Nate.

It reminded me of my own encounters with guys who I lost many tears over because I just couldn't understand why they acted a certain way or what I did to suddenly sour a relationship that seemed to have potential. In a way, it comforted me that if there was any truth to Nate's character, it really wasn't me; it was really him. And me, too, as Hannah would confess. I liked Hannah a lot, and I really related to her. There's a scene in which Hannah meets some of Nate's friends, and although their relationship had been showing early signs of strain, because Nate's friends seemed to really like her, Nate felt renewed in his attraction to her. And it pisses her off. I've been there. Check.

It also made me understand more clearly how I must repel men with the self-doubt I wear on my sleeve, as well as my jiggly arms that Nate would no doubt notice from across the room.

Nate is obviously not my type. He's way too uppity, a Harvard snob who wouldn't turn his head to look at me if I slapped him while walking by. But how much Nate is in every guy? And how much am I like Nate?

I think I still need to let this book settle in. There was something about it that fed into a lot of things I've been thinking about lately - about what we think we're entitled to, what we think we deserve and how we fall into these emotional trappings that are either learned or instinctual, I haven't figured it out yet.

One thing I do know, Waldman created a fascinating character in Nate Piven, one I'll be thinking about for a long time.

Jeff Buckley on Much Music spotlight

I sniffled all day and squinted through puffy eyes at work. I felt like my eyes were worn out from failing miserably in my attempts to hide how many tears I'd lost. All because of him. How does this happen. I'm no teen-ager. I don't understand how he can affect me like this. Maybe he is the manifestation of all my hopes and desires and passions, and when he died, it was like taking away my dream before I had a chance to live it. Maybe that is why he is so intensely personal to me. Does that even make sense?

This interview on YouTube had a few interviews I had not seen and some quotes I will be transcribing.

greetings from jeff

I just finished watching Greetings From Tim Buckley, a film (available on iTunes) that stars Penn Badgely as Jeff, and Imogen Poots as a fictional woman he meets while preparing to take part in a tribute concert honoring his father.

If you know me, you also probably know that I'm an uber-fan of Jeff Buckley. I've loved him since my friend Scott introduced me to Grace in 1995. I attended a fan gathering for Jeff at the Rock 'n' Roll Hall of Fame a few years ago and had an amazing movie-moment meeting his mom. It's the closest I can get to him, I suppose.

I eagerly dreaded watching the film because I have a very angelic perception of Jeff, high on his pedestal wearing a white v-neck t-shirt. He was beautiful. He seemed so gentle and playful. And of course, that voice.

I didn't know if it would be - don't laugh - too painful to watch, and I mean that sincerely. Penn Badgely did an amazing job. He swayed his head like Jeff did when he sang, and he hit those seemingly impossible notes Jeff would belt out effortlessly.

There's a scene in a record store where the conversation moves to different decades of music, and it was very close to some things Jeff said during his show in Chicago at the Double Door. It was released on DVD 13 or 14 years ago and is stunning. But it's hard for me to watch. I just get too sad. And watching this film, well, it hurt my heart. I just want to wrap my arms around him and protect him - protect him from the pain he felt being abandoned by his father, and protect him from going in to the Mississippi River just a few years later.

Penn, I was really impressed. You are definitely one to watch. You honored Jeff and his fans. Thank you.

why i laugh

I watched a terrific documentary called Why We Laugh: Funny Women on Showtime last week. Tons of witty women are featured, including Kathy Griffin, Whoopi Goldberg, Lily Tomlin, Kim Wayans, Janeane Garofalo, Tig Notaro, Rita Rudner, Kathy Najimy, Sandra Bernhard, Natasha Leggero and Aisha Tyler. Here's the trailer. (NSFW)

I love to laugh, no doubt about it. And I love to make people laugh. I find that if I have to speak in front of a group, and I get that nauseous feeling in my stomach, it goes away as soon as I can get the first laugh from the audience.

So, yes, a bunch of funny people are featured, and they will make you laugh. But the best part about this documentary is how insightful it is into what it's like to be in a male-dominated profession. Actually, that's kind of an understatement. Not only are women the overwhelming minority in stand-up comedy, but they are also criminally underestimated. The comedians respond to Adam Carolla's recent claims in the New York Post that women aren't as funny as men. As you can imagine, they take Carolla to task for his comments. You remember Carolla, right? He co-hosted "The Man Show," which was so cutting-edge in its humor, it included video of women on trampolines each week. High-brow hilariousness, huh?

And that's the other excellent point made in film. It's something I suppose I never thought about, but it's so true, it's almost an epiphany. Women tend to be more discerning when it comes to comedy. For guys, all you need is a fart noise and a joke about poop, and they're rolling on the floor laughing. It's a total generalization, yes, I understand that. But each day since I saw the film, I've found another example to prove that belief is true.

That shit makes me laugh, too, sometimes, but I think I know why there are far too many low-brow, raunchy, male-dominated movies in the theater - because men are running the movie houses and keep green-lighting those pictures. Every once in a while you get a guy who understands that you need more to attract women to those types of films. Judd Apatow, you genius, I'm talking to you. His films have their share of potty humor, but there's a lot more going on in his movies, and I know, personally, that's why I tune in.

what the kids know

I visited the movie theater twice this weekend for very fine flicks that had a very important theme in common. Saturday night was Julianne Moore and Alexander Skarsgard in What Maisie Knew, and tonight I returned for Sarah Polley's documentary, Stories We Tell.

I heard Polley and her dad on NPR's Fresh Air, and I knew I wanted to catch her doc. It's about her own life and a story that began as a family joke and turned out to be a secret Polley's mother took to the grave. I promise I'm not giving too much away when I explain that Polley directs her family members and friends of her mother to tell the story of "her mum," who died when Polley was about 11, I think. Each tells the truth but different stories surface that tell a surprising story of love, marriage and infidelity. It turns out, Polley's dad was not her biological father.

How does Polley react? How does her father react? How does the man with whom her mother had an affair react? How do all of them come to terms with the truth, and whose truth is it?

Stories We Tell feels very personal, which of course, it is, and oftentimes, you can hear Polley offscreen reacting to what's being said by the brother, friend or father she's interviewing.

The emotional ties that fill our tummies with butterflies are not what drew me to see What Maisie Knew. Of course, it was Skarsgard, and Julianne Moore, whom I love. But really, it was the incredibly sexy Skarsgard and my desire to see him in roles that truly allow him to show off his acting skills. And he does very well in this film, as do all the actors, especially the very young Onata Aprile, who appears in virtually every scene with her gigantic haunting doe eyes.

Maisie is a 6-year-old daughter of rock star and art dealer parents who hate each other and fight constantly and loudly. With no concern for what Maisie hears or sees, these self-absorbed adults create what years of therapy will need to heal in Maisie.

Both of these films made me think about marriage and family and how just about anyone can be a husband, a father, a wife or a mother. Although it is the most difficult and important roles we play in life, we get absolutely no training for it, and rarely do we really see the lifelong impacts of our actions. Maisie's parents don't hit her, they don't force her to live a life homeless or hungry, and they don't tell her she's worthless. Still, they are horrible parents, using people to get what they want and taking no responsibility for their own child, who I believe they both love but not as much as they love themselves.

In Stories We Tell, the parents seem to be good people who love their families. But how far can you go in getting what you want and what you rightfully deserve - in this case, true love - without impacting the lives of those around you?

It can't be helped. The older we get, the more our decisions impact the lives of people we love.

Coachella 2013 inspires

Whoa, it has been nearly three years since my last post, and yet, today's topic is still related to my last one. I have been thinking about getting back into this, and now is the time. I have inspiration. I have the list.

I am completely stoked about this lineup. The Stone Roses and Blur are just the beginning. How to Destroy Angels' very first live performance? Seriously? I cannot wait to be part of that.

There's a pretty hilarious video on Consequence of Sound in which college kids admit their ignorance/"meh" to the lineup. Yeah, it makes me feel old, but at the same time, it's all good because it means that my friends might have an easier time scoring tickets.

There have definitely been Coachella years where I was slightly underwhelmed by the lineup, but I always studied it (a favorite pastime of mine), and found hidden gems. And once I got there, well, it's still Heaven, no matter who's on stage.