Nate P., you are no Mr. Darcy

Earlier today, before my first fantasy football draft, I finished up Adelle Waldman's The Love Affairs of Nathaniel P. I enjoyed it, despite a bit of heady pretentiousness and my own history of run-ins with guys who seem afflicted with whatever it is that plagues Nate about women, commitment and his own insecurities.

Part of me - I know, get ready for this - actually related to Nate and his disdain for the exhaustive tiptoeing that comes along with dating women. At the same time, it made me despise him because, well, that's life, and he is no better than any other guy. I would say that I know a lot of men who are better, but they're my friends, and I haven't dated them. Maybe they are different with women they are attracted to. God knows, the guys I've dated, whether for a couple of weeks or a couple of months were not much better than Nate.

It reminded me of my own encounters with guys who I lost many tears over because I just couldn't understand why they acted a certain way or what I did to suddenly sour a relationship that seemed to have potential. In a way, it comforted me that if there was any truth to Nate's character, it really wasn't me; it was really him. And me, too, as Hannah would confess. I liked Hannah a lot, and I really related to her. There's a scene in which Hannah meets some of Nate's friends, and although their relationship had been showing early signs of strain, because Nate's friends seemed to really like her, Nate felt renewed in his attraction to her. And it pisses her off. I've been there. Check.

It also made me understand more clearly how I must repel men with the self-doubt I wear on my sleeve, as well as my jiggly arms that Nate would no doubt notice from across the room.

Nate is obviously not my type. He's way too uppity, a Harvard snob who wouldn't turn his head to look at me if I slapped him while walking by. But how much Nate is in every guy? And how much am I like Nate?

I think I still need to let this book settle in. There was something about it that fed into a lot of things I've been thinking about lately - about what we think we're entitled to, what we think we deserve and how we fall into these emotional trappings that are either learned or instinctual, I haven't figured it out yet.

One thing I do know, Waldman created a fascinating character in Nate Piven, one I'll be thinking about for a long time.