grab the popcorn!

There are some great new films headed to Orlando, and I'm not talking about Transformers, although it may be a very good flick.

2 Days in Paris - Julie Delpy, who starred in two of my most favorite films (Before Sunrise and Before Sunset) was nominated for an Oscar along with Richard Linklater and Ethan Hawke for best original screenplay for the latter film. In 2 Days in Paris, Delpy serves as the writer, director and star.

Adam Goldberg plays Delpy's boyfriend in the film. Interesting fact: Goldberg has an uncredited role in Before Sunrise as "Man Sleeping on Train" and also appeared in Linklater's Waking Life, which featured a clip of Hawke and Delpy as their Before Sunrise characters. Confused? Just watch the trailer.

Starting tomorrow, a film that has a lot of buzz and a soundtrack that is good enough to atract you to the film, rather than the other way around.

Once - according to IMDB, the film is "a modern-day musical about a busker and an immigrant and their eventful week, as they write, rehearse and record songs that tell their love story."

Are you familiar with the Frames' "Falling Slowly"? It's a beautiful little ditty, and it's on the soundtrack. In fact, Frames' lead singer Glen Hansard stars in this Irish film as ... wait for it ... a musician. Actually, it sounds really cool. Fun facts, anyone?
* The two main characters actually wrote all of the songs in the film.
* Director John Carney used to play bass for The Frames.
* Hansard and lead actress Markéta Irglová, a Czech musician, fell in love during the filming of the movie.
* The film earned the World Cinema Audience Award for a dramatic film at the 2007 Sundance Film Festival.

Turn up the volume on your computer and watch the trailer.

Paris Je T'Aime - This one is already out in theaters, so you should probably hurry if you want to catch it. The film is made up of 18 different vignettes - each about the City of Love. There are beaucoup A-list actors, including Natalie Portman, Elijah Wood, Steve Buscemi and Juliette Binoche. The different stories were created by different directors, including Alexander Payne, Wes Craven, Gus Van Sant and the Coen Brothers.

Watch the trailer here.

flight is the shite

Oh my God, I love Flight of the Conchords.

Not only is it hysterical and musical, but it features yet another doppleganger for Mike Britton. His name is Bret McKenzie, but with his adorable New Zealand accent, it sounds like "Brit."

Coincidence??? I think not.



"Oh my God, she's so hot. She's so flippin' hot. She's like a curry. I want to tell her how hot she is, but she'll think I am being sexist. She's so hot, she's making me sexist.. Bitch."

Classic.

She might be able to do a better job ...

My blog was never so controversial than when I spoke out against Old Navy and its obvious display of sexism, or at the least insensitivity. All I am asking for is that the corporate execs use some common sense when they green light their summer clothing lines.

Perhaps more onesies like this one ... It's perfect!



My sister-in-law's friend Amber bought this for Ashley in D.C. See Old Navy, you don't have to be inappropriate to make a profit.

the voodoo that you do

Organizers announced the list of performers scheduled to appear Oct. 26-28 at this year's Voodoo Music Experience at the lovely City Park in New Orleans. The headliners are festival darlings Smashing Pumpkins, Rage Against the Machine and Willco (I am loving the new CD!). Then there's Ben Harper and the Innocent Criminals, Sinead O'Connor, Kings of Leon, and -- according to the official site -- Clap Your HANS Say Yeah. Let's hear it for the proofreaders.

This festival was never known for being cutting edge -- the list is pretty safe, but it does offer a pretty solid three days of music. There's also Spoon, Paolo Nutini, Black Rebel Motorcycle Club, Dr. John, Tiesto, and Quintron and Miss Pussycat, who opened for Peaches earlier this year. The festival offers a great introduction to some of the native musicians and their unique sound.

Hopefully, all of the festivalgoers will take a couple of extra days and explore the city, spend money and help revitalize NOLA.

Check out video performances from past festivals, including Green Day, The Pixies, The White Stripes, Nine Inch Nails and Social Distortion, on the Voodoo site.

you're making me laugh ...

This looks like a casting tape for Days of our Lives.

This video is such a perfect illustration of the Disney College Program. It's silly, unforgettable fun with people you'll never forget. It's the X factor.

and then UNSHUN ...

SHUN!

your concert calendar

Here are some recent announcements and a few reminders of some good shows coming to O'do. (Do you think that if I keep calling Orlando that, it will catch on, or is it a lost cause?)

6.25 - Dancing with the Stars - Amway Arena (OK, it's a guilty pleasure.)
6.28 - The Working Title - The Social
6.30 - Satellite Party - House of Blues
7.2 - Jesse Malin - The Social
7.15 - Morrissey - Hard Rock Live
7.20 - The Format - The Social
7.30 - Travis - House of Blues
8.8 - Ben Kweller - The Social
9.4 - The Rentals and Copeland - House of Blues
9.12 - Tiesto - House of Blues
9.13 - Perry Farrell's Satellite Party


And one we have a long time to get excited about ...
10.24 - Low - The Social

---

If your first impulse after reading that is to turn your jeans pocket inside out to illustrate your lack of fundage, you can catch some great artists on Austin City Limits this season on PBS (WMFE Channel 2 in Orlando). Here's the remaining schedule ...
6.30 - Corinne Bailey Rae and KT Tunstall
7.7.7 - The Pixies
7.14 - Death Cab for Cutie and My Morning Jacket

happy father's day

To the two most wonderful dads in my life ...

My daddy ...


And my brother, who's already a great dad ...


I love you guys!

if you're not outraged ...

I have this bumper sticker that says "If you're not outraged, then you're not paying attention."

Some people are paying attention. I'm not the only one who is pissed that Old Navy is introducing newborns to sexism before solid foods. I've received a few more comments on my post about the Old Navy onesies that tout "Stripes are slimming." However, I am surprised that no one else has raised the issue in a more public forum.

At least one other person felt the anger and put fingers to the keyboard -- check it out at raggamuffin.wordpress.com.

Here's another head scratcher ...

You may have heard about Hallmark's recent and very major faux pas. The card company put a Father's Day card on store shelves that was clearly homophobic. The front of the card features a serene picnic setting for two and reads, "Dad, how about a Father's Day picnic?" When Dad opens the card, the punch line reads, "Too queer? Yeah, I thought so too."

Once The Advocate magazine questioned Hallmark about the card, the company acknowledged its poor judgment and agreed to pull the card from store shelves. A spokesperson said, “[Hallmark’s business unit] reviewed it today and did all agree that it was in poor judgment to include the card in the line. We are stopping the shipping of the card, and we will not produce it again. Hallmark's intent is never to offend, and we're truly sorry if that is the case here.”

(Betamike, I'm still waiting to read your post about this.)

But where's the outrage? The only reason I know about this is because a friend found the card at an Orlando Publix and couldn't believe the bigotry right there in Stationery.

And finally, just one more bit of crazy ...

"Kittens vs. Cougars. There's going to be a catfight." Have you seen this commercial yet?

This one really takes the next step in offensiveness. NBC's new reality dating show "Age of Love" promises to take feminism back a couple of decades. It's pretty formulaic. Take hot thirtysomething guy, introduce some hot women to him, watch the sparks fly. The twist with this one is that once he gets comfy cozy with ... gasp ... the fortysomethings, the producers will introduce a bunch of even hotter, scantily clad (or so the ads promise) twentysomethings.

What pisses me off? NBC advertises the introduction of the younger "kittens" as offering up "temptation." It's pushing this stereotype that young women are all sexy looks, loose morals and sharp tongues, while the older women are boring intellectuals. And of course, the competition is pitting woman against woman.

In one TV ad, a woman asks for a synonym for "old." Someone answers, "decrepit," and lets out an evil chuckle. Well, props for the big word, but what the hell are you thinking?? It's just maddening to hear women treating each other this way. And the fact that NBC is playing up the "catfights" just makes me cringe.

Ugh.

just a few things ...

According to Pitchfork, The White Stripes will release their eagerly anticipated CD (at least in my house) Icky Thump next Tuesday and adding an interesting, high-tech twist for fans. They are also making the music available on pre-loaded USB flash drives -- and you don't even have to look for them in bathroom stalls! You can buy them next week, too. They even look cool -- one like Jack, and one like Meg.

---

NPR is streaming a Webcast of Rufus Wainwright's recent show at the Gramercy Theatre in New York. You also must check out the slideshow of pictures from the concert, including some sexy photos of Rufus in drag. He's got some hot legs!

---

The Discovery Channel Store is going out of business, (at least the physical stores are; I am not sure about the Web site.) and you can find some pretty good bargains. I went to the store at Millenia Mall over the weekend and purchased a pen with a laser pointer in it. Sweet! My dog loves to chase the little red dot around the house. Hours of fun!

old navy introduces sexism to infants

I went to the new Old Navy store near the Mall at Millenia today, hoping to find great bargains on some summer clothes, and instead, I left the store with my blood boiling. I saw something very disturbing.
Stripes are slimming

The description of the little onesie read like this: "Sweet animal graphics and sassy slogans make baby's bodysuit wildly cute! Stylish zig-zag stitching and puff short sleeves add a girlish twist, with snaps in back and along inseam for easy dressing."

What is sassy about a 3-month old being self-conscious about her weight? Seriously. I think about my little niece, who is the most beautiful thing in the world, and I don't want her to grow up with body-image issues or feelings of unworth because of a sexist culture. And moreover, I don't want society implanting those thoughts in her innocent little head. Her Buddha rolls are beautiful.

Right beside that monstrosity on the clothing rack was this little number ...
Bat your eyelashes

Again, Old Navy is reinforcing the stereotype that females get what they want not by working hard and earning it, but by using their sex appeal. It's an ill-conceived product line, and I can't believe it made it all the way to the stores.

But Old Navy doesn't stop there. When I went on the company's Web site to pull the image of the sexist apparel, I found more examples of inappropriate and uncool clothing.

This cute little number was sold only in the boys' section ...
Future class president

And this one was sold only in the girls' section ...
Future American Beauty Queen

You don't have to be a card-carrying member of the National Organization for Women to see what's happening here. Is that what American expects of my young niece? That the best she can hope for is to score big in the swimsuit competion so she can be a spokeswoman for curing diseases? While the little boy who laid just a few feet from her in the hospital nursery will be where the power players are, making the real difference.

And let's be fair, Old Navy is only about the boys who are "real boys."
MACHO just like DaddyI'm not a girl

I don't believe that I am over-reacting here. Real change can't happen until we acknowledge that these things make a difference. Just because the baby doesn't know what's written on her chest, other young girls and boys can read it, and it reinforces the culture of valuing men and women differently. Do you remember when Abercrombie thought it would make a profit off of sexist T-shirts that read "Who needs brains when you have these"? (See previous "girls kick Abercrombie's ass" post.) I think another girlcott is in order. It's irresponsible, Old Navy, and you should be ashamed.

a year of sigur ros

Artist in Residence, or A+R, is a new quarterly music publication that may bring a new level of understanding and appreciation of your favorite musicians. The first issue is available now and focuses on Sigur Ros, which seems to be an incredibly smart move. There's a certain amount of credibility earned for choosing a band that's stunningly talented but not swimming in the mainstream.

In a Frozen Sea: A Year with Sigur Ros follows the band through their native Iceland during last year's Takk world tour. Fans will get a 32-page book of beautiful pictures of Iceland -- which I truly must visit soon -- along with interviews of the band that, according to the Web site, capture the band "in their words, in their world." But first, you'll have to decide: do you want the standard “classic” edition ($20) or the “limited edition,” which features seven records, including vinyl versions of four previous Sigur Ros albums ($150).

According to A+R's mission statement, the publication is "developed for artists who want to showcase issues of central importance in their world... Free from the conventional constraints of traditional media, A+R gives the artist complete freedom, letting them shape the look and feel of their issue."

You can check out some of the photos, watch a video or two and order either version of the issue at the A+R Web site. It's an intricately designed site, and one that you could spend a good amount of time exploring. The content in the various "rooms" will change with each new issue and new artist in residence.

the hottest state

I read The Hottest State as soon as it hit the bookshelves in 1996. At the time, I was hung up on my own twenty-something angst -- think Reality Bites. Ethan Hawke embodied the musical, witty, hottie, intellectual slacker I thought I wanted most. And now he was writing a book? Sign me up!

I remember being deeply moved by the book and easily feeding into its dark melancholy. William, the book's main character, was lost in an oblivion of emotions so intense, it turned him inside out. I remember liking that it was William -- "the guy" -- who was pining after his love, feeling rejected and lost and trying to make sense of life at an age where feelings seem too raw and all-consuming to bare. The fact that a male writer wrote such a complicated character with weaknesses I could relate to was enlightening.

I also recall reading rumors that the book's publisher was a bit concerned that the fictional novel was, in fact, too auto-biographical. The main character's love interest, but the way, is also rumored to be based on singer Lisa Loeb. Interesting.

Now, The Hottest State is headed for the big screen. Ethan Hawke isn't slacking this time -- he's the screenwriter, director and even appears in the film. Mark Webber (Broken Flowers) and Catalina Sandino Moreno (Maria Full of Grace), pictured below, are the stars.

The film is scheduled to hit theaters on Aug. 24, but the self-deprecation can begin even sooner because there's a kickin' soundtrack ready for release on Aug. 7, featuring Willie Nelson, Feist, Bright Eyes, Emmylou Harris, The Black Keys, M. Ward, Norah Jones, Cat Power and a few others.

If the film carries any of the intensity of Before Sunrise or Before Sunset, which top my list of favorite movies, I'll have to add a new DVD to my library of films to watch on sad Sundays.

When did VH1 Classic become nostalgic post modern?

Where have I been? I just discovered that VH1 Classic (Bright House Channel 172 in Orlando) broadcasts old episodes of "120 Minutes" -- or at least videos that played during the show's run. I stumbled across it while searching for something in the "guide" mode. I set my DVR for it -- early Sunday morning, 4-6 a.m. The first video t was Peter Murphy's "Cuts You Up," which happens to be one of the songs that defined my 1990. I had an unnatural obsession with that song. It was my gateway song to a whole world of better alternative music.

Here's the playlist of the episode. It runs the gamut of '80s New Wave to '90s grunge. This is why nostalgia can be a dangerous drug. I want my old flannel shirt.

• "Cuts You Up" - Peter Murphy
  
• "Carnival" - Natalie Merchant
  
• "Doctor Doctor" - Thompson Twins
  
• "Never Enough" - The Cure
  
• "Weird Science" - Oingo Boingo
  
• "Do You Love Me?" - Nick Cave and The Bad Seeds
  
• "Fake Plastic Trees" - Radiohead
  
• "Kiss the Dirt (Falling Down a Mountain)" - INXS (I always loved the way Michael Hutchence danced.)
  
• "Evenflow" - Pearl Jam
  
• "Wonderland" - XTC
  
• "Round & Round" - New Order
  
• "Grey Cell Green" - Ned's Atomic Dustbin (Ahhhh, great song, awesome concert!)
  
• "Stand & Deliver" - Adam and the Ants
  
• "Sheila Take a Bow" - The Smiths
  
• "Vogue" - KMFDM
  
• "I Want Candy" - Bow Wow Wow
  
• "Rain in the Summertime" - The Alarm (I had this on one of my favorite mix tapes.)
  
• "There She Goes" - The La's (The first time I felt cool buying a cassette tape. The guy at the counter called out to his friend that I was buying The La's. Maybe they were making fun of me, but I felt like a cool little kid outside of the mainstream because it wasn't crazy popular at the time.)
  
• "Mexican Radio" - Wall of Voodoo
  
• "Driver 8" - R.E.M. (Classic!)
  
• "Who Was in My Room Last Night" - Butthole Surfers (Or, as they identified them on the pop station in Hattiesburg, Mississippi, during my college years, The BH Surfers.)
  
• "Turning Japanese" - The Vapors
  
• "Wild Wild Life" - Talking Heads (Starring a thin John Goodman)
  
• "Policy of Truth" - Depeche Mode (Ahhhh! Isn't Violator the soundtrack to everyone's high school years?)
  
• "Beautiful World" - Devo
  
• "Big in Japan" - Alphaville (I haven't heard this one in years! It's the definition of an '80s video!)

Incredible! I feel like I'm right back in high school with no self confidence, a zit-ridden face and the wrong shoes. Granted, it wasn't all good, but it was entertaining!

And there was something about this music that always gave me hope. I might have felt like no one understood me in college, but I knew I wasn't completely alone, partly because of music like this. Sappy, I know. But it's true. There's this bolt of electricity in my tummy when I hear certain music from that time of my life, and even though I know a lot more now than I knew then, it still conjures a very naive hopefulness that isn't altogether bad.

i'm hopping for one of these

I tend to get really giddy about new technology, and then I have to wonder -- do I really need this, or do I just really want it because it seems so damn cool?

iPhone - um, yeah, I want and need that! Apple just announced that it will be released officially on June 29. I'm going to have to save up for that one. It's too much of a luxury item right now.

The answer to the big question when it comes to the new Nabaztag is simple. I just want one because they are so damn cute! I want to join the rabbit community!

All you do is plug your little friend into your wi-fi connection, and you have the personal assistant you always wanted, minus the sassy attitude and threats to write a tell-all book after he's fired.

Nabaztag is one smart rabbit. He serves as your alarm clock; reads the weather forecast, top news, your incoming e-mail, comments left on your blog, text messages and more; talks to other Nabaztags that your friends have; and even reads your kids a bedtime story when you're too drunk.

I searched YouTube to see if I could catch these little cuties in action, and I found this clip from HGTV.


If this next video is any indication, I would bet that Nabaztag is a big fan of the dance tent at Coachella.


OK, after watching that, I have to wonder, is Nabaztag going to be that guy at the party who won't stop talking? Will he/she read my unwanted spam e-mails to me? Will he/she keep me up at night playing bad music that some conniving friend of mine is sending me in the wee hours of the morning?

Go check out the Web site -- if only for the cool music that streams as you learn about all the ways Nabaztag is going to enhance your mundane life. I would definitely ant the striped ears -- they are adorable!

conchords are about to take flight on hbo

The Flight of the Conchords are migrating stateside in a big way. They are by no means "new," except to me, who is woefully behind the times in discovering them. They profess themselves to be "New Zealand's fourth most popular digi-folk paradists."

I am right on time, though, to jump on the bandwagon for the duo's new show on HBO, set to debut on Sunday, June 17. You can watch the first episode now, in its entirety, right here. The setup sounds like it could be similar to the Sarah Silverman show, except with an all-access pass to unadulterated profanity, sex and the like. It's premium cable, kids!

Here's how HBO describes the series ...

The series revolves around a pair of transplanted New Zealanders, Jemaine and Bret, who are now living in NYC within a one-block "comfort zone" in the East Village. Bunking up in an apartment decorated with the finest furniture and artwork a garage sale can yield, the two break into song at a moment's notice to let us know how the often-mundane experiences of city life make them feel. Among the friends and acquaintances they cross paths with are Murray (Rhys Darby), who works at the New Zealand consulate (not a stressful job) and is their none-too-astute music manager; Mel, a female fan obsessed with the Conchords (especially Bret); and several characters portrayed by real-life members of the NYC comedy scene, including Arj Barker, Todd Barry, Eugene Mirman (who plays their landlord), Demetri Martin and Eliza Coupe.

By the way ...
* You can download some free video podcasts of the guys on iTunes, including the first HBO episode.
* The guys also will appear on The Late Show with David Letterman on June 11.

ben kweller's getting social

Ben Kweller will play The Social on Aug. 8. He's sure to put on a show of pop gems and pleasing melodies. Beta and I saw saw him there several years ago, and now Ben has lots more great music to share.

Check him out on MySpace, where you can stream his cover of Smashing Pumpkins' "Today."

keys to the ... (gag) ... VIP

Is it April 1 again already? Is this really a TV show? Are people actually making money on something so cheap and sleazy?

It's called Keys to the VIP, and it's causing my blood pressure to rise with every word I read.

I saw a commercial for its upcoming debut on the Fuse channel, and I seriously questioned what I was hearing and looked it up online -- I thought I was being Punk'd.

The Web site is so over the top, I am still not completely convinced that Ashton Kutcher won't be knocking on my door this evening. In the producers' words, here's the description of the show...

"Men, our time has finally arrived.  We have been portrayed as sniveling, crying, sensitive, spineless, mamma's boys.  And now is the time to turn it around.  We finally have a show that allows us to demonstrate our true nature as hunters, alpha males and masters of all we survey! Welcome to Keys to the VIP, a show that encourages, nay demands, the seduction of women.  Set in the nation's hottest nightclubs, each episode will showcase the unique approach of two players as they compete head-to-head in a 3-round skills competition.  Each round is a challenge carefully designed to test a player's ability to seduce women in a real-life playing field. That's right, in case you didn't get it... a Professional League for Players."

Are you kidding me??!!??

And the photos of the hosts online are bathed in just as much ridiculous pretense. They're smoking cigars and have a tub of Cristal at their fingertips, because I guess that makes them more manly and attractive to other men who want to be 'big pimpin' playas."

From left, Peachez, Alen, Sheldon and Chris
The panel of hosts is made up of:

Alen - He's the moderator of the panel, and is described as having "the ability to cut through the crap and get to the heart of the matter. Honest to a flaw, his cutting and poignant comments have been best described as being "Bertuzzied" by words." I am going to suppose that he's honest to a flaw when it comes to pointing out the inadequacies of other men, not when it comes to meeting women.

Chris - The metrosexual of the group, apparently Chris is also the sensitive one. According to the Web site, "He believes in the art of seduction as a means to discover your soul mate and life partner. It is Chris's philosophy that in the pursuit of becoming a better "player," one can actually become a better human being more capable of finding true love and ultimately true happiness." That sound you hear is me throwing up.

You can also read about Chris's "technique" online ... "Creating a comfortable environment through mutual respect and proper manners is how Chris plays the game. He'll create a fun and spontaneous atmosphere and then offer up a dark side to be explored by a willing lady."

I just vomited again. Just to be sure you're catching all this, because it's a lot to read without wanting to scream, Chris is sharing his tips on "playing the game." Am I the only one that has a huge problem with that? In one sentence, you are talking about how to find your soul mate and life partner, and the next, you're demeaning it by acting as if it is only there to occupy time when you are bored.

Peachez - It gets worse. His technique is described like this. "Whether studying game-tape of opposing QB's or the latest lady in his sights, Peachez relates many aspects of his approach to sports to the art of seduction. Peachez has the uncanny ability to "read" the defense and exploit the opportunities to make the big play, while rarely getting flagged for "misconduct.""

It's uncanny! His ability to make "the big play" without getting flagged. What does that really mean? Jazzy wordplay doesn't cover up the fact that you, sir, and your phony friends are pigs.

Sheldon - Sure, he's hot in that sweet, Donald Faison way, but he admits that he uses his innocent sophistication to "slide under the radar." But be careful ladies, the producers warn, "His charm and sophistication should however never be mistaken for an unwillingness to get down and dirty." Thank God! He may look like sugar and spice, but when it's time to pay up, us women can count on him to be as much of an ass as the rest of him.

Because it is essentially a game show, "Keys to the VIP" features three games in which the contestants compete. For example, the "player," in all senses of the word, has three minutes to get a woman to buy him a drink, or get a woman's phone number while only talking about himself and never letting the woman speak.

I am sure that's a recipe for high-spirited hijinks for the guys playing and watching, but what about the girls involved in this dogfight? Do they know they are pawns? Do they realize that one is the thimble, one is the puppy, one is the shoe, and so on ...?

It's all one big Mysogynopoly, and shows like these are screaming at women to not pass go, not collect $200.

eureka!

I finally figured out where I caught this terrible cold.
No more kissing camels for me.

Devan and I met Sir Gus the camel at the Orlando Fringe Festival last weekend. Put a carrot in your mouth, and he's all tongue. OK, not really, but I did linger a bit and took home some Gus germs.

The Fringe Fest, by the way, was stellar. We caught some really funny shows and met some cool, very talented people. Support the arts!!!

a smashing set from the pumpkins

There are no Orlando stops announced yet for the Smashing Pumpkins' half-reunion tour, so this may be as close as I am going to get this year. There are some pretty high-quality mp3s from the band's set in Brussels on May 26, 2007, on ThePumpkins.net. There are some new songs, like "Tarantula," and old favorites, such as "Hummer," "Rocket," "Tonight, Tonight," "Disarm," "Zero" and oh so many more. Enjoy.

sarah's hosting movie awards

It's reason enough to turn MTV on for the first time in over a year ...

your guide to a D-list summer

My youth is officially gone. I know this because Scott Baio is 45 years old. Apparently, this summer is all about celebrity reality shows, and Baio has one of his own. Just take a look at some of the shows on tap, as described in USA TODAY:

• VH1 will pair "Baio" with "Rock of Love With Bret Michaels," which is aimed at helping the frontman for heavy-metal band Poison attract women — as if he needed any help.

MY THOUGHTS: Hmmm, I thought Bret Michaels was sexy ... when I was 14! Do you have any idea how much sex that man has had since then? Mama doesn't want syphillis this summer! I may need some shots prior to tuning in. As for "Baio" and its "one man's journey of self discovery," it sounds like that will be the kindler, gentler celeb-reality show.

• Bravo Network will showcase American Idol pixie Paula Abdul as an entrepreneur and all-around go-getter in the much-anticipated "Hey Paula!" and is launching a third season of comedian "Kathy Griffin's My Life on the D-list."

MY THOUGHTS: I love Kathy Griffin's show. Favorite moment - Kathy performs for the troops on a USO tour, and she opens with "I usually start my show with 'OK, where are my gays at?' Not today." If Paula's show has the same feeling, then it will be golden. But with Paula's drug/alcohol-influenced streams of consciousness, it also has the potential to go the way of the Anna Nicole show.

• A&E will air "The Two Coreys," featuring former troubled-teen '80s pinup boys Corey Haim and Corey Feldman living together.

MY THOUGHTS: Uh, OK, I was a fan back in the day. The Lost Boys is a classic. But reading about the show makes me kind of cringe. USA TODAY says "The story line: Haim, unemployed, single and slovenly, moves in with Feldman and Feldman's wife, Susie Sprague (married by fellow celebreality star M.C. Hammer on a 2002 Surreal Life episode) in a threesome in the style of You, Me & Dupree. Although Haim concedes some plotlines were contrived, he's hoping for a payoff. "This could be a wonderful steppingstone. Will this be my entire future? Absolutely not. I'm a movie actor by birth."" You mean Reality Shows aren't REAL?? Whatever, the curiosity factor is too strong on this one -- I must check it out at least once.

• ABC is weighing in with NBA basketball star Shaquille O'Neal's "Shaq's Big Challenge," a fitness show for obese middle-schoolers, and car-race competition "Fast Cars and Superstars" with William Shatner.

MY THOUGHTS: A pre-pubescent "Biggest Loser" should have more heart than the rest of these, and it could definitely be a crowd-pleaser, especially with Shaq's gentle-giant ways with children.

• NBC will serve up tennis pro Mark Philippoussis dating twenty- to forty-something "kittens and cougars" in "Age of Love."

MY THOUGHTS: I've seen the commercials for this one. On the plus side, it has the whole "Bachelor" and "Average Joe" vibe, and on the negative side, it has the whole "Bachelor" and "Average Joe" vibe. Come on, isn't that tired? If I am going to marry someone, I don't want that person to be sleepless the night before struggling with "Which one will I choose?" It shouldn't be a toss up. If you're not sure which one, the answer is no one. And what is this "kittens and cougars"? That is so misogynistic. I'm sick of these male fantasy shows. And don't think that a "Bachelorette" version of the show makes it equal. It's still offensive.

i'm sick of being sick

I am ailing. I've been home sick for nearly four days. I have never missed three days straight of work, or school, or anything! For the last three days, I have barely left my bed. Ughhhhh.

Dr. K, you've arrived just in time.

No, I'm not really seeking any life-ending assistance, but I am happy to see that Dr. Kevorkian is a free man again.

Being in bed alone for three and a half days, I have had some time to click around the Internet, and here are some of the things I have found.

There's a new "English-humor-influenced" advertising platform for our UK friends. Headlines like "Dry? We were never dry." I gotta say, that's pretty genius. The horrible stories of Hurricane Katrina won't attract the number of tourists the city needs to stay ... ahem ... afloat. So, I guess enough time has passed that a little tongue-in-cheek" humor is OK. Here are some of the ads ...

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Matthew Pryor, of The Get Up Kids (one of my all-time favorites) and the New Amsterdams, said he quit TGUK because he wanted to spend more time with his family in Kansas. You can't get out that easily, Matt. That music bug never reases its grip. Now, Matt has entered the best of both worlds, recording If You Ever See an Owl as part of the band The Terrible Twos.

According to Vagrant's Web site, Matt said, “My initial wave of inspiration was just to do something different,” he explains, “something fun that there’d be no expectations for. And then I started thinking about all the children’s music my kids were listening to and how a lot of it really wasn’t very good. I think that’s because, in a lot of cases, you have adults assuming what kids like and then trying to manufacture that. With The Terrible Twos, I just wrote what I liked, and as it turned out, my kids liked it, too.”

Here's a sample lyric from the song “Pizza and Chocolate Milk”:

“Spaghetti, yes/ I want spaghetti on my plate/ Don’t try to force me to eat vegetables I hate/ You may think I’m kidding/ That I won’t win/ If I keep screaming, you’ll cave in.”

I love it! Between this and the Lullaby Renditions series (Nine Inch Nails, Bjork, No Doubt, Smashing Pumpkins) (Thanks for the tip, James!) I am already introducing my young niece to good music and the bands that made a difference in my life.

Stream music from the Terrible Twos at CDBaby.com.